Sunday, July 17, 2011

Am I a misanthrope or just the devil?

Last year was my very first encounter with a homeless man. I've seen them in film and on the news and stuff, but never in person. My whole life I grew up sheltered, as a member of the top percent of society, only going to private schools, and living in gated communities. I rarely leave the house. The only time I see poor people (earning less than $250,000 a year) is when I go shopping, when I travel, or they come to my estate to work. Of course, it's always in a very limited capacity. So, anyway, my father and I were walking to our hotel in NYC and lo and behold, the little sh*t asked me for money, and touched my arm! I felt like my arm was going to burn off. I cried! My father pulled me close, and pushed the man away so I wouldn't get hurt. The guy must have been drunk and fell to the ground. He was fine though. But for some reason, while he was on the ground, I had this DEEP urge to step on the man's face. I imagined my heel going right through his eye. Of course I didn't do anything because that would cross my personal ethics. I'm NOT violent. Still, that event has blossomed into hatred for the masses. Since, I have had a recurrent nightmare involving poor people scaling my fence and pillaging our beautiful home... led by the homeless man from NYC. As a consequence, I have developed a deep mistrust of our help, people I have known for years now seem so alien. Sometimes I catching myself smiling when I see poor people begging on the side of the road. I've even swerved toward puddles with my Mercedes to splash people when they are walking on the WRONG side of the road. I talked to my sister about my feelings. She said I am a "misanthrope" and that I should go to a soup kitchen or something. But I don't think I am any different from anyone else I know. They ALL talk about how pathetic the underclasses are and the need to bring in more and more immigrants into the country, so that the "middle class" will be forced to work for near nothing. This makes sense to me, as most Americans are commodities that THINK they are worth more than they actually are. I don't think I am special. On the contrary, I think all humans are rats without tails. I've considered donating money to Planned Parenthood for abortions, as the whole world is covered with these unfortunate people, and seem to be growing at an alarming rate. Now I am feeling really guilty for these feelings, confused too, but I also feel liberated in a way. I feel like I've uncovered some great Truth. I'd like to get to the root of my feelings. Is there a clinical name for this? Maybe I'm just the devil incarnate. Help!

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